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Andrew Anonymous
wrote:
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Hi guys,
I find myself in the following situation. My niece is now 18 but due
to a problem with the local parish, she was not able to get
confirmed. I am not her Godfather but I believe the family considers
me her spiritual Godfather.
Similar to some CCD religious education classes, she was never really:
- taught
the faith
- the value of a daily prayer life, or
- the value
of daily Mass.
Religion to her is a pain. Being in an Uncle role,
what I can say is limited, because, as you know, the parents
are the primary educators of their children's faith. To do more,
would bother my brother and sister-in-law, and
my image as a religious person would to move to one that is
overstepping his bounds.
They have a family of four, and I was chosen to be the Godfather for
their last child, who is now six.
Once I heard about what happened to my niece, I told my sister-in-law
that, as his Godfather, having my God child confirmed was very
important to me.
My sister-in-law told me later that she was going to see
if my niece could get confirmed with his brother, my nephew,
who is three years younger than his sister.
The problem: My niece has no real interest in the faith.
In her first year at college, she is thinking of starting a
club: The
College Liberals.
She has a healthy sense of debate and I have shared with her
the importance of:
"agreeing to agree and agreeing to disagree, while still
being friends."
My question:
Although Confirmation imprints a character on the soul of
the recipient and the recipient receives the completed baptismal
graces needed to live a Christian life,
if she doesn't believe
in the faith, what good will it do her?
I'm not saying receiving the Holy Spirit is not important. I'm not
that stupid but I think she will say:
- What good is Confirmation if I don't really believe in the
faith?
- Isn't the idea of Confirmation that of saying "Yes, to Jesus and
the Church He founded" and
of being a solider for Christ and his Church?
She may argument:
If I don't believe in the Church and, some, if
not many of, its teachings, why should I get confirmed at
all.
Any feedback would be appreciated.
Andrew
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What good is Confirmation if she is not interested in the faith nor has the correct disposition? }
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Mary Ann replied:
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Hi Andrew!
You have a common situation. I don't hear anywhere what
your niece has to say about Confirmation. It is common
for an 18 year old to not display much interest in religion,
and she may not know what Confirmation is. I doubt that
the parish or the family has given her a lively sense of
the gift of the Spirit. It is also common for "liberals" to
be confirmed! and even to be good Catholics, as long as
they are pro-life. I wouldn't deduce too much from her
apparent disinterest and her liberalism. What does concern
me is the problem with the parish. For some reason, they
don't want to or can't confirm her. It may be:
- she
told them she didn't want to be, or
- they needed
some document, or
- the parish and
the parents had a problem or a misunderstanding.
At this
time, it is between her and her parish, which would now
be her university parish.
As for overstepping your bounds, it might be, if you insist that she get
confirmed. However, telling her about the Holy Spirit and His gifts and
power, and even giving her literature about Him, is not overstepping, and
to a degree is your obligation as an uncle and as a Catholic. Nevertheless,
you have to know the Holy Spirit, or at least know some good resources
about Him! The fact is: that many young Catholics give up just when they
are about to get solid food and real nourishment for the life they are
beginning to lead.
I would challenge you to creative and loving ways
of making the faith, and especially the Holy Spirit, live
for your niece. Of course, it wouldn't hurt to ask what
the parish problem was. If you know there was a problem
already, the parents presumably made you aware and wouldn't
mind.
- Why are we Catholics so secretive and touchy about our faith?
Mary Ann
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Bob replied:
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Andrew,
My sense is that you should let it go and be a witness. If she is not ready, the
graces she receives would be of no avail anyway.
We have found at my parish that those who missed Confirmation for whatever reason
tend to want it later (for whatever reason); later there becomes an entirely
different process that is usually much more meaningful and effective at creating
a sustainable embrace of the faith. For example, RCIA, at our parish is awesome,
whereas Confirmation prep is more like a sacrament factory.
I would not be concerned that you are derelict in your duty. God knows full well
the situation.
Peace,
Bob
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Eric replied:
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Hi Andrew,
Well, it's not necessarily true that Confirmation has to do with being
a soldier for Christ and saying Yes to Jesus (although it does provide
a convenient opportunity to say Yes to Jesus) -- Confirmation is primarily
about receiving the Holy Spirit.
Your niece is 18 which means that she
is of age to make decisions on her own. She should not be forced to receive
a sacrament. Who knows, it may be she'll have a conversion down the line
and be glad that she had an opportunity to be confirmed when it has meaning
for her.
I myself wish my Confirmation had been delayed (primarily
because I did not choose a Confirmation name and wish I
had that opportunity later). I wouldn't make a big deal
out of it.
Hope this helps,
Eric
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